Don’t Believe A Word I Say with Bob Segarini

The Monday Morning Mailbag

Last Wednesday, Pie and I were driven, (blindfolded), to a secret location somewhere in the suburban wilds of the GTA. The reason? We had been conscripted to participate in a super secret project that has to do with a legendary comic book hero from the ‘40’s called “Hoverboy”.

Arriving at our destination, we were surprised, (once the blindfolds were removed), to find ourselves in the kind of company you can only meet at an awards show. Among their other credentials, they are best known for some very impressive accomplishments. There, in the vast, technically futuristic room that I am almost positive was located somewhere deep underground, was a collection of Canada’s most brilliant minds.

To my right, scientist, writer, and philosopher, Rick Green, who spent years undercover as ‘Bill’ on The Red Green Show, and Ty ‘The Guy’ Templeton, who has worked with everyone from Philanthropist/Tycoon Bruce Wayne, to Montgomery Burns, the Justice League of America, and detective, John Jones, and his son, Taylor, a graduate of Yale University at age 10. To Pie’s left, the beauteous Liana Kerzner and her husband, (pictured here), and Robert Pincombe, prolific writer and military code expert who has been hiding secret communiqués in children’s television show dialogue on behalf of the Canadian government for years. His episodes of Atomic Betty alone actually contained the information needed to stop an attack on the giant Sudbury Nickel by militant coin collectors. Before us stood linguist and 2 time winner of the Selzer Humanitarian Award for Science and the Study of Zinc Mining in Today’s Mining Industry, Marcus Moore, and a beautiful woman known only as ‘Ava’, apparently Rick Green’s handler, and Jill of all Trades.

Behind us, manning a huge array of scientific equipment, wearing headphones and smiling maniacally, the mysterious scientist known only has HIM.

I cannot go into details about the mission, or our involvement in it, but I will tell you this. If we are successful, the world will be a little better place to live. I cannot say any more than that.

To learn more about the Hoverboy, go here:

To find out what day Christmas falls on this year, consult your local calendar.

And now…it’s time for this week’s Mailbag…

Carla Lockhart

Oh Bob, so funny! I did the same thing on my first trip to the Whiskey when the entrance was on that little side street not Sunset. Wispy, transparent mini-dress, platform shoes, Eagles on stage with Linda, missed that last step and went down face first. CC stayed, I left. All I remember is the snide look on Glenn’s face. Oh, the psychic pain!!!

SEG SAYS: That ‘snide’ look was just Glenn’s ‘Elvis sneer’…perpetual. The ‘Linda’ Carla refers to is Linda Ronstadt, whose back-up band eventually became The Eagles.

Stella Hunt

I love your stories.. keep on writing them…

SEG SAYS: No problem Stell…just keep reading them.

Dylan Wickens

Bob, did I see you for a split second at Beaches Jazz this wkd?

SEG SAYS: You did, Dylan..

Dylan Wickens

Ok so I’m not nuts – I don’t think your face registered until this afternoon when I thought about it again – well belated hello and how are you then ; )

SEG SAYS: A belated hello right back at’cha…although this doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t nuts.

Lawrie Ingles

Hey Uncle Bib….nice seeing you and Jade last night,…
lets hit the road!

SEG SAYS: You book the gigs…Pie and I are there. Could be fun…

Mark John Vukovich

Thanks Bob for the column…I am now addicted. See you on Wednesday.

SEG SAYS: The first hit’s free, Markie…hehehehehehe…

Jim Chisholm

Another great, informative article, Bob. The banana fosters recipe is now in my recipe folder and on my to-do list. I’m looking forward to checking out Audities too. When I win the lottery I think I’ll go and bug you guys in T.O.
Damn my local store doesn’t sell Brio Chinotto any more.

SEG SAYS: Bring bourbon, you can sleep on our couch.

Toni

Another fun read! Got the old pen n’ paper and wrote out the Bananas Foster info. I didn’t think of DIY. Idea: Make them and don’t have guests! I am looking forward to Wed.

Pete Kashur

Pphftt….when Cosford’s in town, I’ll make him ribs!!!…and I’ll flambe a spinach salad for him as well!

SEG SAYS: When Kashur cooks…the angels sing. A triple threat man, Pete plays, paints, and cooks better than just about anyone. Warren…get your ass to Toronto.

Dave Barker

Gotta have pop! Don’t let it stop!

SEG SAYS: Dave Barker is the genius I was fortunate to work with during the heyday at Q107. As production/creative  people go, David is tops in his field, which is sad, considering he deserves to live in a house.

SEG ALSO SAYS: This is the exchange that created the Chauvinistic Sausage. T-shirts will be available soon…reserve yours today!

Linda Dawe

Hello Bob & David…..

As the Led Zeppelin songs states….”The Song Remains the Same”. Bob’s quote: “The stunningly lovely women who were either wives or industry types that graced the afternoon with wit and charm.” Geez guy…after working for nearly 4 decades in this biz you still have no idea who or what our names are…says it all doesn’t it. Welcome to the 21st century fellow female colleagues…as we are all well aware it appears that it’s still a man’s game.

Sorry Bob….just couldn’t let this one go…you chauvinistic sausage…..

SEG SAYS: Geez, Linda, take a pill…
You KNOW I know your name, We’ve known each other for over 25 years. I believe you are both a “wife”, AND an “Industry type”, and very successful at both. Just because I love women and can call you “stunningly lovely”, and full of “wit and charm”, doesn’t mean I meant anything other than exactly that. It’s not like I said, “Hey Babe”, and slapped you on the ass when I saw you.
Call me chauvinistic if you must, I do still like a good steak, martini, picking up the tab, and opening doors, even though I know you can all open them yourselves, but I meant what I said.
As for being called a sausage?…Damn straight, Holmes.

Toni

OMG, felt for you when you hit the floor! So sad to watch a good deal go bad. Well, Martha lost out, right? Keep ‘em comin’…

Mark John Vukovich

Bob…And so it is revealed…you know, I often wondered what happened to you. You and I spent the summer of 62? exploring the highways and byways of Northern California…in the fall of that year my old man (god bless him) made me join the US Army…off I went until the Spring of 1966. Upon my return to the necropolis of Mudville…you were gone baby gone…! Some said L.A. some said the Great White North…now my brother it is revealed. What a long strange and wonderful trip…eh…?
Vuke, now stuck in Lodi…!
and that’s all-right Ma…!

Keith Fraser

There is a documentary about Windsor’s CKLW – The Big 8. A must see for anyone that’s interested in how 60’s pop radio came of age. The place just reeked of talent. Even the music director Rosalie Trombley was recognized as one of the pre-eminent star makers in radio.

Gary Lewis Smalley

Ha Ha Bob, I have to laugh at Linda’s comment about you being chauvinistic. I have to bring up 1960… We were young punks in Stockton. You were already writing songs and recording them on your reel to reel Wollensak (?). Your neighbor Susan Berry (?) lived across the street on Center and Monterey. She was blonde and beautiful. You wrote a song about her with such sensitive lyrics, I almost had a lump in my throat! Even with a schoolboy crush, you showed real class and respect for Susan. As the rest of us made crude one-liners about busty teenaged girls, you were writing songs in tribute to their beauty! We were 14 years old for God sakes, yet there were no crude one-liners coming from you. I guess this is one reason why you make music and the rest of us listen!

Amy Irene White

Hey, I know him.

SEG SAYS: Many do. The Sausage gets around…

Gary Feikert

Well, at least you didn’t stuff a foil wrapped cucumber down your trousers like Nigel Tufnel did in ‘Spinal Tap’…
Nothing better than a barbequed Lodi chauvinistic bratwurst, as long is the barbeque isn’t in Lodi…and the beer is ice cold !

SEG SAYS: Is there still a ‘Doc Shoons’, or however it’s spelled in Stockton/Lodi. Them were fine Dogs…

Valerie Smith

WEY HEY!!!!! That’s a big un….

SEG SAYS: You sound like Little Red Riding Hood…

Mark John Vukovich

Bob…your no hot dog that’s for sure…maybe a sausage but never a hot dog..!

SEG SAYS: I stand accused.

Carla Lockhart

Thanks for a super column, Bob, women are the unsung heroes of rock, and I mean ALL of them.

Gary Lewis Smalley

The caption on the picture should read.. “That Viagra is a hell-of-a drug”.

Scott Carpenter

I recognize Geets and Gord, but who are all the rest of those old farts? HAWWWWW, HAAAAAW, HAAAAW!!!!!

Jaimie Vernon

Bob,
You should be writing scripts for Judd Apatow. Your self-effacing take on civility in the face of awkwardness (i.e. The Martha Reeves incident) kicks the ass of anything in “40 Year Virgin” or “Knocked Up”. Anyone who can’t identify with your story has never lived in the ‘real’ world.

All my favourite Canadian industry people are women (Linda Dawe, Cori Ferguson, Velma Barkwell, Dulce Barbosa, Andrea Morris, Yvonne Valnea, Anya Wilson, et al). Maybe that makes me a chauvenistic weiner as well, but I find it a lot easier listening to a lady who emphasizes the strengths of your artist and what can be done with them than the male-pattern bald approach of jaded male music biz cling-ons.

The ladies keep the quality of class high and the level of B.S. low.

Keith Fraser

Industry women? Do strippers and Miss Nude winners count?

SEG SAYS: No, Keith…I said “women IN the Industry”, not “Women the Industry has BEEN in”.

James Rogers

Bob, I only recently caught on to your FYI blog…and love it!

Your writing talent is as entertaining as your on-air…great stories…

When is the whole book coming out, eh?

Say ‘hi’ to Miguel the next time you chat with him…

SEG SAYS: Thanks for the compliments. Our dear Miguel has been living in Mexico for the last 3 or 4 years, running a restaurant/bar, and charming the ladies as always. He is sorely missed, as are his frozen vodka shots and great bar.

Linda Dawe

Check out/click on the article below entitled…”Behind the music. Where are the female A&Rs?” Very interesting…just wanted you to know that I was stating a fact as opposed to playing to some emotional female instability…

Behind the music: Where are the female A&Rs? guardian.co.uk

I went to MIDEM in Cannes France for the first time in 1981 and was so excited thinking I was going to meet some fabulous international music biz women…Well there was me, Peggy Cecconi and 500 hookers from Paris…not much has changed in nearly 30 years. I won’t bore you with all of my experiences….we all have our own cross to bear…..I love your column in FYI…

SEG SAYS: Great story Linda, and a fine article from the U.K. Thanks again for the inspiration for ‘Queens of the Industries’, which will run on Fridays in this column as long as the questionnaires keep coming in. Please pass it on to the other women in our related businesses.

Thanks to all of you who wrote and shared your stories with us. That’s why we’re here. See you all on Wednesday…

That’s enough for now. Email me at segarini@fyimusic.ca with your comments, complaints, and thoughts…and remember…don’t believe a word I say.

Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now provides content for radiothatdoesntsuck.com with RadioZombie, The Iceage, and PsychShack. Along with the love of his life, Jade (Pie) Dunlop, (who hosts and writes “I’ve Heard That Song Before” on RTDS), continues to write, make music, and record.