Don’t Believe A Word I Say with Bob Segarini

The Rock Files: The Wack and Roll Circus Hits the Road - Part Two

Baker Foxtrot Delta, Oh Niner Niner, we are cleared for take off…

Now that we have decided to bring the ladies to Montreal with us, we had to come up with a way to make it happen. After much deliberation and debate, we figured the easiest and least expensive way to get from Eureka California to Montreal, Quebec, would be to drive.

The band had made the trip by van before, well, Kootch, Tim, Steve, and I had, from Montreal back to California, and we had done it in 54 hours, a piece of cake for four guys that took shifts driving, could eat and steer at the same time, catch naps on a stack of amplifiers using a guitar case for a pillow, and roll a joint or mix a drink while going 80 miles an hour.

Actually, that trip was from Watertown N.Y to California, as we had been stopped at the border there and ‘detained’, for a couple of days because of a film can that contained something other than film. A rare oversight by Steve Wood, who had forgotten he was carrying it in his pocket. To quote a previous column, “Kootch, the bass player and I, decided to drive from Montreal to California with the roadies instead of fly home. At the border in Watertown, New York, it was discovered that one of the roadies had a film can full of hash in his shirt pocket. They took him to jail and the rest of us spent the night in a hotel straight out of a horror film. The only thing missing was Norman Bates. Two days later, after many phone calls to California and a crackerjack lawyer, we were on our way again, fines paid, and clean as a whistle. We made it from Watertown to Stockton, California in 54 hours. The roadie had been forced to have his hair cut in jail. He honestly didn’t know he had any hash with him. We would have smoked it before we got to the border if he had.”

So we could make the trip in under three days, stopping along the way at all the great roadside diners, and seeing the sights with the women we loved. This was going to be a great adventure. Little did we realize that it would be light on the ‘great’, and heavy on the ‘adventure…’

Wacker HQ moves into full Military stance. The Mission is a ‘go’…

We, (The Wackers), had a history of using Military strategy and terminology whenever we went on the road. The reason for this stems primarily from Kootch’s background in the U.S Navy, and Ernie’s wonderful ability to make everything fun, even when it wasn’t. We were a highly, (accent on the ‘high’), trained and well oiled machine when it came to planning our campaigns, plotting our courses, implementing our plans, and carrying out our missions, unlike Roxy, for example, who missed a date on a tour with the Grateful Dead, because we forgot about the time change between L.A and Phoenix. Of course, the Wackers plans also had a habit of going tits up on occasion. Isn’t that what plans do?

The first thing we had to do was locate and obtain the proper vehicle to transport the civilian women in comfort. The gear and the roadies, Steve and Tim, would travel in our van, which was named B1RD and referred to by its code name, “Bird”. After considering renting another transport, Norm, (Norman Randolph Bishop, or ‘Randy’ to most folks in those days), made arrangements with his father, a car dealer in Boise, Idaho to purchase a brand new Volkswagon van to replace his ageing square back. Our transportation was secure. We would drive in convoy to Boise, drop off the square-back, retrieve the new van, and continue towards the Northeast and our destination.

On January 11^th, 1972, with a full crew and our civilian guests aboard, we launched Mission Montreal.

From Tim Stull’s Mission Montreal Journal…

“Tuesday, January 11^th, 1972 – 9:30 pm

Today we begin that long, long drive back east. This time I believe we all have our shit substantially more together than when we left last time. Steven should be by in the truck any moment. From there we head out for Boise, Idaho, stay a night and begin driving to Montreal.”

From Melanie Bishop’s Journal…

“Jan 11, 1972
The Wackers, Bob, Randy, Kootch, Mike, Ernie, their two ‘quippes, Tim and Steve, Cheryl, (Bob’s wife), Melanie, (Randy’s wife), and Paula, (Ernie’s girlfriend), left Eureka Ca. in a Volkswagon Squareback and a GMC Van affectionately dubbed “Bird”  for their destination, Le Moustache in Montreal, Canada where they were to start a two week gig on Jan 17th.”

And so, around 10:00 pm, January 11^th, 1972, we deploy for Boise, our first bivouac. Tucked into B1RD and the square-back, the Wack and Roll Circus, armed with a full compliment of luggage, road snacks, beverages, and comestibles, ventures out into the night. Two sets of headlights on the dark and lonely roads before us, a movable brain trust, modern minstrels and their maidens, hurtling towards the Great Unknown, an Algonquin Round Table on 8 wheels, a convoy of compatriots who seek nothing less than fame and fortune, and are willing to drive through the long dark nights to achieve their goal.

Meanwhile back at HQ, I mean, Wackering Heights…

We did leave a valued member of Team Wacker in Eureka. She had been a trusted friend and confidant since the Family Tree days, and was a native of Lodi, California. Her name? Cherie Porter.

Cherie had moved along with us to Eureka, and was one of those people whose lives revolved around music, and art, and being at ground zero. I was surprised she had come along, but she was of the belief that The Wackers were ‘Ground Zero’, and that we needed to be nurtured, and chronicled, and, thinking we were typical rock musicians, (unable to do anything else), kept an eye on, lest we wander into traffic or set ourselves on fire.

She became our biographer, de facto manager, and, along with Melanie, our cheering section and house mother. Mel, Cherie, and Cheryl did indeed keep us from walking into traffic and setting ourselves on fire, as well as a pile of other pitfalls that could have claimed us at any time. God Bless the women who watch over fools, children, and rock musicians.

It was decided that Cherie would stay behind, acting as liaison, and taking care of the Wacker Kitties, (which at one point, numbered over 25), and man the fort while we were away. In these days before cell phones, it was important to have someone there in case something came up and we were unreachable. Cherie was reliable. Calls would be taken, messages relayed, and business looked after. We could concentrate in the task ahead, successfully combining work, and a vacation, and making both an enjoyable experience. We knew Cherie would take care of the home front.

From Tim Stull’s Mission Montreal Journal…

“Wednesday, January 12^th, 1972 – 12:35 pm

In Burns, Oregon headed for Boise. The roads are bad. A lot of slides, ice, and snow. Traveling with those freaks in the volx is really a trying thing at times. We’ve been on the road for 13 hrs. and expect to reach Boise by 3:00. Thought for today: Being on the road is like flushing the toilet before you’re done.”

While Mike, Kootch, Tim, and Steve barrel down the highway in the relative comfort and space of  B1RD, six of us are crammed into the squareback, which makes it difficult to move, but this early in the trip, we’re having too much fun to notice. Earlier, there had been some pretty bad weather, and we had to take it easy and concentrate on the road, but the weather seemed to be clearing at this point, and, with just a couple of hours to go, we relaxed and reverted to our usual ‘on the road’ demeanor…bullshitting one another and cracking wise. There is a great deal of wit in this bunch, and Randy and Ernie were two of my favourite sparring partners. The conversation was soon teeming with puns, double ententes, non-sequesters, and verbal jousts. Most bands are very good at keeping themselves amused, and with close to 15 hours of sardine imprisonment under our belts during which we enjoyed a steady diet of Twinkies, barbecue potato chips, Ho-Ho’s, drive thru burgers, soda and the occasional mixed drink, we were giddier than usual, and a bit sleep deprived. We’re on the road, headed for some great gigs, and the women are having a great time just being out of the house and taking a holiday. Still, if we didn’t know that there was going to be a big, brand new, van in our possession in less than a day, the fear of claustrophobia would have permeated the car. When we topped the mountains before entering the valley where Boise lay spread out in the distance, I was behind the wheel of the little Volkswagen, and began our descent into the valley where Boise lay to the East. A steep grade, but no traffic, so I was going at a pretty good clip, knowing that our first destination, and a nice, roomy van, awaited us…

Suddenly, a loud pop, like a gunshot shook the car. Somebody said, “Maybe the locals think we’re Revenuers.” Nobody laughed. It wasn’t a gunshot. It was the right front tire. The car started to shake, I held onto the wheel for dear life, trying to make sure we stayed on the road. We must have been going at least 80 miles an hour down the steep, winding mountainside. With the tire out, we started to drift to the right, and I struggled to keep it going down the highway. The car kept heading right, towards the precipice the 2 lane highway we were on ran alongside. There was no guard rail.

Oh shit…

Continued next Wednesday in The Rock Files…

That’s enough for now. Email me at segarini@fyimusic.ca with your comments, complaints, and thoughts…and remember…don’t believe a word I say.

Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, The Segarini Band, and Cats and Dogs, and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now provides content for radiothatdoesntsuck.com with RadioZombie, The Iceage, and PsychShack. Along with the love of his life, Jade (Pie) Dunlop, (who hosts and writes “I’ve Heard That Song Before” on RTDS), continues to write, make music, and record.