Don’t Believe A Word I Say with Bob Segarini

The Monday Morning Mailbag for January 4^th 2010

As much as I love the whole “Peace on Earth Good Will towards Men” aspect of the holidays, I’m glad they are behind us and we can get back to work.

I love working.

The holidays are fine, (YAY! Baby Jesus is in da house!), but the complete slowdown of everything not related to them leaves me cold. Television becomes a vast wasteland of Rudolph repeats, Clarence gets his wings another eleventyzillion times, and sports wipe out yet another block of new programs I paid to see. The movies, with a few, great exceptions, (Sherlock Holmes and Avatar this year) turn to adult drama/romcoms and chipmunk fueled kiddie korn, and the pretentious Oscar contenders march into the cineplex like lemmings. I will never see Slumdog Millionaire…I just don’t feel the need.

Music, though alive and well and refreshed daily, is all but lost in the tinsel and eggnog because the music industry takes a holiday, (which usually starts in November and doesn’t end until February), and unless you’re a franchise artist or Superstar, your music will sit on an industry computer until it’s last year’s news.

The gifts you bought just three weeks ago are now available for a third of what you paid for them, half your friends are pissed at you because they sent you a Christmas card, and didn’t get one from you, and it takes a day or two to clear all the holiday related detritus from your Facebook page so you can get to your information without wading through all the stuff you couldn’t read without adding yet another app to the ones you already don’t want.

On the other hand, most people have enough leftovers and liquor in the house to eat and drink until March without having to leave home.

My daughter, her baby and husband spent Christmas in Ottawa with the in-laws, Pie spent the day running hither, thither, and yon visiting her mom, dad, and grandparents in Mississauga, and I spent it with Minnow and Bagel wandering around the apartment in my underwear waiting for Pie to get home with the doggy bags from her day in the Hinterlands.

New Year’s Eve, Pie and I sat up in bed drinking champagne and watching the William Powell/Myrna Loy Thin Man movies on TCM. Did we miss anything?

Probably not.

Now I’m looking forward to getting back on the horse.

Call that woman in L.A who might be able to help me get The Wack and Roll Circus Hits the Road made into a movie, and The Rock Files made into a television series.

Find more work in radio and bring in enough money to keep the kitties in kibble and cat toys for another year.

Be able to afford trips to California, Nashville, and Montreal with Pie, partly for business, partly for pleasure, but mostly for the friends, food and restaurants I miss so much.

So, radio, advertising, and publishers, if you’re looking for a hard working curmudgeon with mad skills and a lot to offer, I’m looking for more work. As long as I am still allowed to write this column, I’ll be happy. To all of you who read me, and to those who make it possible, thanks from the bottom of my heart for letting me do what I do.

With the exception of a great woman, (Hi Pie), 2 wonderful kitties, some dear and loving friends, and this column, 2009 sucked like a Hoover.

Let’s put the Year of the Hoover behind us and get on with it, shall we?

And now…let’s get back to work…

Don Lamont: “The cryin’ tires, the bustin’ glass, the painful scream that I heard last…

Denise: Oh No! With only 3 hours to go. I will be so glad when you guys make it to Montreal.

Good Morning Bob and Pie. Had a nice cup of tea, got caught up on my DBAWIS with some chuckles and LOL’s what a great way to start the day! So relieved you made it after that harrowing flip off the road.
Happy Birthday Pie hope you have an awesome day!
Merry Christmas to you all and kisses to the kitties

cheers and hugs

Michele Hartley: Willie Nelson spells his name….well, Willie : )

SEG SAYS: Brain freeze. I fixed it after your note. Willie’s Willy no more.

Melanie Pickrell AKA Bishop: Seriously your readers have to wait a week to find out what happens? To Don Lamont are those lyrics from Teen Angel?? How funny, “Teen Angel can you see me Teen Angel can you hear me. Are you somewhere up above and am I still your own true love” That is the first pop song that I remember loving

I love the picture you used of Randy and me. Pretty much sums up our relationship. But where did you get it? Did I post that? That was from a photo shoot for After Dark Magazine in 1975. I feel it is only fair to give photo credit to the fabulous Kenny Duncan for this moment in time that he captured so well.

Great retelling of the story! I remember grabbing Mike Stull who was on the right of me on the front bench seat and squishing myself behind him my plan was to use him as a human shield. I got into a fetal position between him and the seat back. My instinct was to grab Randy but I knew he had to drive which would be really hard with me curled up behind him. It was so bizarre to open my eyes and see nothing but white out of all the windows surreal really.

SEG SAYS: There are very few people that can keep up with you Mel, even now. Rand and you were the darlings of Montreal, and Kenny captured your free spirit and Rand’s resolve perfectly in that photograph. Love ya, kiddo…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG_VIcoiCFA

Mark John Vukovich: “Windscreen”…must be Canadian for windshield eh Bob..? lol

…Heard a great band last night on the Blues Hour from the House of Blues…La Vay Smith and the Red Hot Skillet Lickers…are you hip to them..? I posted a song on my FB profile for you.

Top Ten people I can do without…Jon Gosselin (add Kate Gosselin too..!) the Octomom Nadya whatever, Heidi and Spencer (they count as one cuz they are only a half a person),all the Kardashians except Courtney, Perez (Flamer) Hilton, Kanye West, Sarah Palin, Joe Jackson (leech),Simon Cowell, Courtney Love.

OPP…has another meaning down here in the States…”You down with OPP…I’m down with OPP..!” and the descriptive narrative “louder than a fart in church”…cracked me up Bob…! Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all.

SEG SAYS: “Windscreen” is British, and Canada is sorta British, so it’s a windscreen here, too. I’ll check out the Skillet Lickers as soon as I get a chance, love your list, and what the hell does OPP stand for in California?

Toni: “They said they found my high school ring clutched in your fingers tight. Teen Angel can you hear me…”

OMG Bob! Another cliff hanger!!!

I was even looking for the Monday Mail Bag on Tues! Glad you didn’t pass on the Rock Files:) Is that why you ended up living in Canada… didn’t want to drive back? (ha-ha). Happy Birthday Pie!

Thanks again Bob… reminding me of the Alexis Neon Plaza! Went to see Encounters of the Third Kind there w/Kootch for his birthday, so it had to of been Jan or Feb. Burrrr. What is the name of the underground train there that keep us out of the cold??? & Pie thanks for the heads up on Sherlock Holmes, always loved those stories. Happy New Year,

W. Steven Green: Can’t tell you Bob, how much fun it was to read about your days on the road to Montreal and what it was then like to finally get there. Having been to the Mustache a few times (but alas, after the legendary Wacker days) the descriptions of the place and that particular downtown area brought back memories of my own accompanied by wistful moments of missing the old hometown. I don’t live there anymore, but I get back for visits and still, there’s no place quite like it. All the best for twenty-ten to you and all your readers. And Toni…it’s the Metro.

SEG SAYS: It wasn’t the reason we moved to Montreal later that year. That story is for another time. What kept The Wackers out of the cold was The Maidenhead. Remember that bar in Alexis Neon? Great spot. We knew all the waitresses. One in particular, Angie, took care of us and dated Kootch for a while. The waitresses all wore little maid’s outfits with frilly white panties that poked out from beneath their very short skirts. Very British. Very politically incorrect. Very distracting…

Keith Fraser: I’m glad that the Buick saved the day. Happy Birthday Day to Pie. I see Shew has to get in the way of the camera again.

(Snow is coming so this Christmas is going to be whiter than a Tiger Woods mistress convention.)

Happy New Year bib and pie

(New Year’s Eve is my opportunity to enjoy a quiet night out without people making fun of my pink glitter derby.)

SEG SAYS: Shew, (Pete Kashur) is never in the way. He is always invited to the party. We didn’t get any snow until New Year’s Day, and even then it was a feeble, puny little attempt. The pink glitter derby is fine…it’s the orange spandex lederhosen that puts people off.

Jim Chisholm: Your story is hitting home Bob. Interestingly, when I left Montreal in 1974 with a couple of friends, we had a vehicle failure before even leaving the province. We left successfully the next day in another vehicle but it certainly was not very far from your spinout. You guys and girls sure went through trial by fire. I know I saw the Wackers fairly close to that time. Once (first time) was at an outdoor shindig in NDG Park. I’m looking forward to the Moustache story

Like I said Bob. Trial by fire (or ice)…which seemed to have produced one of the most hydroponically amazing dynamic rock and roll bands that ever graced a stage. Little did I know back in the day that there was such a great story to The Wackers. But I will never forget those amazing gigs. My pals can vouch for that too.
I’m sure you have many more Wackers stories to share. I for one would like to read about their first visit to Montreal, presumably in the summer/fall of 71.

La Moustache. I saw Garfield there. Ahhh, sorry that’s all I remember from the ‘70s.

I was looking for The Moustache on Google Earth but my memory might be failing. Where I thought it was, there were a few ominous looking parking lots that tell me the place is gone.

SEG SAYS: The Moustache was torn down and replaced with an office building that housed (and maybe still does) the offices of Donald K. Donald. It was a wonderful place, and I have many Moustache stories to tell…

Frank Gutch Jr: You have all the luck, Seg! I once watched a light bulb attempt suicide, but it chickened out at the last moment. Now, to see one do it. That’s exciting. Do you have a playlist of those Mustache shows?

SEG SAYS: Some of the tunes we played are mentioned in Juan Rodriguiz’s review. I do remember that we played all the songs on Wackering Heights live, except for ‘Body Go Round’ and ‘I Like’.

Denise Keirstead: I loved Pie’s reviews and would like to see Sherlock Holmes and Avatar.
I know CSI is a great show and I didn’t mention it in my list only because I have not been watching it lately because of Criminal Minds. Never got into 24, or Lost. But do agree My Name is Earl was too funny the one where he had to give back the money he won to the cancer guy and they had no food and were eating crumbs from the chip bag and actually sharing, OMG!

SEG SAYS: Pie went and saw Sherlock again Saturday night. Liked it even more. Robert Downey Jr. now has 2 franchises…Sherlock and Iron Man. YAY! Earl is my latest guilty pleasure. Missed it when it was first run. Laugh out loud and sweet as can be. Randy kills me. He and Earl are definitely Steinbeck’s George and Lenny from ‘Of Mice and Men’. They are Trailer Park Intellectuals far more entertaining and deeper than’ Trailer Park Boys’ could ever be.

Carla Lockhart: Geez Bob, the suspense is killing me! A nail-biter!!! Love that you and Kootch went for the bottle in the trunk.

SEG SAYS: We couldn’t open that trunk fast enough. Cognac is the perfect remedy for early morning spinouts.

Michele Hartley: your ending reminds me of a wreck that happened on US 95 in California between Vidal Junction and Needles…a short cut and narrow road…no shoulder…desert rocks and sand. A full sized van with two grandmothers, a mom and dad, three children (twins and another girl) headed to LA to the airport…they were on vacation. They lost control of their van with an 18 wheeler coming, over corrected…excessive speed on a curve…police estimated 75 mph… they left the road spraying rocks that broke the oncoming 18 wheelers windshield, headlights, fog lights…the van was about 50 yards from the 18 wheeler when the van left the road. The driver stopped to find the van on it’s wheels but it had rolled a few times leaving bodies scattered. The two grandmothers were in the back of the van and were the only bodies left in it. The mother was driving and was dead when he got to her within a few minutes of the accident. The others were alive. The dad was thrown out past the van, his wife had been thrown out first, and the van had rolled over her. One twin girl was laying behind the van about 20 feet, the other twin was standing up holding onto the van talking to her grandmother, she and one grandmother are the only ones to survive the wreck. The 8 year old girl was about 20 feet on past from her sister, about 40 feet from the van. She died at the hospital, never regaining consciousness…her head was busted up on rocks. The two grandmothers and the one 12 year old were the only one’s conscious at the scene. The one grandmother died of a heart attack in the hospital. The driver had stopped a car to call for help right after it happened.. 45 minutes for a cop to get there and hour an a half for an ambulance..2 hrs before a helicopter came. I got a call from a broken hearted driver to tell me of it later that night. The summer of 1995.

SEG SAYS: Jesus, Michele, that’s terrible. No one should ever be in that much of a hurry, especially with your family onboard. It should be M.A.D.D…Mother’s Against DUMB or DANGEROUS Drivers, not just the drunks. We were very lucky…

Tim Stull: Great stuff Bob. Are you going to add anything on “Closse Luft one… that old rest home on the St Lawrence”?

SEG SAYS: In due time, Tim, in due time…and thanks for your contribution. Those diaries you guys kept are priceless.

Gnu Jet: I regret not taking photos of the old, fanciful paintings of couples dancing left over from its incarnation as the El Morocco…

Jim Valentine: omg Bob…the only pics I have are in my head…I used to live across the street from Moe’s…practically lived there for about 18 months in the 70’s…hot coffee at 4AM…breakfast at 7…saw The Wackers @ the Moustache, gawd…I loved that place…peace.

Tim Stull: I would not be here but for Moe’s BLT’s and the peanuts at Le Moustache. The winter of 72 it was all I ate :

Paula Williams: I used to love Moe’s peanut butter and banana sandwich at only 50 cents!

Denise: I agree would have been awesome to be there!

Mark: Sign me up also…if only we could travel back in time…I would have found some pleasure in the cross country trip as well. A worthy adventure for sure.

Jim: The Wackers gigs that I saw back then are seared into my memory and Bob’s storytelling assured me that I didn’t just dream it all up.

Michele: Great ending in Montreal! Sure would have been nice to have seen ya’ll play live!

At least we can play the albums and still dream though Chis, lol. I love Bob’s hair in those pics! I had to pay big bucks for hair that curly! dig those wild colors he wore!! all the pics were not opening so I didn’t see if the cover that was first proposed and sent to Montreal to see was there or not, would be good to see that one…I agree, there is a look of boredom…and kind scary…on the Wackers faces…wooo…I’m shakin’ just thinkin’ lol. what a trip!

Heather Bishop: Bob, thanks so much for the great memories. What a hoot to remember being there and seeing you guys in true form. You did seem to forget the ever present peanuts on all the tables that were always flying around the room. And someone who shall remain nameless, (me), getting caught taking down the Wackers poster in the ladies room with some help from Randy, who was taller than the culprit. Come back to Montreal soon. You are missed.

SEG SAYS: They were great days. I wish you all could have been there. Montreal was a magical place back then. The music scene was incredible. Pagliaro, April Wine, Mahogany Rush, Moonquake, Nanette and Billy Workman, Walter Rossi, Ville Emard Blues Band, Offenbach, Harmonium…and so may others. Great radio, television, bars, restaurants, and record stores. I had a flat that had 2 balconies, 2 bedrooms a huge dining room, kitchen, and living room in NDG. It was $140 dollars a month.

Montreal is still one of my favourite places on Earth, but back then, it was the ONLY place on Earth.

And finally…

Judy: I have a question. Who sang “Dream” at the close of “Lucky Lager Dance Time”?

SEG SAYS: “Dream (When You’re Feeling Blue)” was written by Johnny Mercer in 1944. The version used on Lucky Lager Dance Time was by the Pied Pipers.

Wednesday: A brand new Rock File…

Thanks to all of you who wrote and shared your stories with us. That’s why we’re here. See you all on Wednesday…

That’s enough for now. Email me at segarini@fyimusic.ca with your comments, complaints, and thoughts, and remember…don’t believe a word I say.

Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, The Segarini Band, and Cats And Dogs, and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now provides content for radiothatdoesntsuck.com with RadioZombie, The Iceage, and PsychShack. Along with the love of his life, Jade (Pie) Dunlop, (who hosts and writes “I’ve Heard That Song Before” on RTDS), continues to write, make music, and record.