Don’t Believe A Word I Say with Bob Segarini

The Weekend Roundup for Friday January 15^th 2010

We have all had things in our lives that disappeared from the landscape at one time or another. Sometimes little personal things that just affect you or a small group of people, and sometimes enormous things that affect way more people than just yourself and your immediate circle of friends or family, things, no matter how trivial, that we take for granted that eventually go the way of the Dodo bird dinosaurs, and A Flock of Seagulls (the band, Poindexter). These events give us pause to ponder the fragility of seemingly indestructible institutions, friendships, relationships, and other things that are a big part of our lives. even to the point of being taken for granted, and then suddenly, for whatever reason, changed beyond recognition, or disappearing in the blink of an eye, gone forever, never again to be experienced, enjoyed, or reinstated.

When you first begin to notice these changes that occur in your life, you are usually pretty young, and the first few seem gigantic to you, but are quickly forgotten, replaced by something new. You carry on, becoming satisfied with whatever you’ve come across that has filled the gap. You adapt, and new favourites replace old ones, the Circle of Life minus the anthropomorphic talking animals and Broadway-esque show tunes.

The first time I ever noticed this natural phenomenon was when Wilson’s disappeared.

Well, it wasn’t exactly Wilson’s that shuttered its doors. Old man Wilson had passed away a couple of years earlier, but the place didn’t close when he did. The two, to be kind, elderly women, (reminiscent of the Brewster sisters in Arsenic and Old Lace) who worked there with Wilson all through my grade school years, took it over after he passed and nothing changed except the name. It was called Betty and Jerry’s when the Grim Reaper of Retail came along and turned it into a Japanese coin laundry or an appliance store, I forget which.

What it no longer was, was a three- table,  lunch-counter diner with 7 or 8 swivelling stools located in a tiny strip mall alongside a five and dime that sold penny candy, and a supermarket, a diner where I had eaten the majority of my lunches and after school snacks for the better part of five years while school was in session, and a few times a week during each summer. It was a three-block walk or bike ride from Woodrow Wilson Elementary School, and there were four big reasons that I went there with a friend or two as often as I could.

The Cheeseburger

The Fried Ham Sandwich

The Potato Salad

The Ice Cream Soda/Float

Wilson’s, though a distant memory, is why I still have an aversion to Mickey D’s, Burger King, and all the other fast food chains that attempt to make a tasty cheeseburger. You can order a similar version of a Wilson’s cheeseburger from Wendy’s, and with the exception of the diced onions and pickles, and shredded, crisp, iceberg lettuce, it vaguely resembles an authentic one. They will dice the onions and pickles and chop up the lettuce if you ask, but you feel like a jackass for asking. Harvey’s burgers are too thick and the buns too big and dough-y to get one right.

The fried ham sandwich was a staple for me, sometimes eating 2 or 3 of them for lunch, (ditto the cheeseburger) and the potato salad was better than my mom’s, perfectly balanced sweet and tart, served cold and held together by just the right amount of mayonnaise, not the dreaded Miracle Whip.

The ice cream soda/float consisted of locally produced ice cream, and either coke, soda, or root beer, and topped with fresh whipped cream. The cool thing they did was make it in a metal milkshake container with 3 scoops of ice cream, and you still had enough for a refill with one of the scoops after you had drunk the first glass full.

You cannot get a decent fried ham sandwich anywhere these days. If you can find a fried ham sandwich at all, it will be nouvelle cuisined to death and be mostly condiments and some exotic, foreign bread or bun. Meh…

The kicker?

The cheeseburger was 15 cents, the fried ham sandwich was 25 cents, the potato salad was 30 cents, and the ice cream float…was 35 cents.

Jesus, I’m old…and now, I’m hungry.

What the hell, you can try this for yourself…and no, I don’t think you’re stupid and can’t make a cheeseburger or ham sandwich, but I spent 5 years watching a 75 year old man and two women twice his age make these things just so I could pass it on to you, my treasured readers.

Wilson’s Cheese Burger…

Medium ground beef, not lean

Inexpensive regular size hamburger buns as fresh as you can find them, (no sesame seeds, egg, wheat, bigger than your head, 12 grain or other fancy crap)

Real mayonnaise

Hunt’s or French’s yellow mustard

Diced Spanish onion

Diced dill pickle

Shredded crisp iceberg lettuce

Velveeta or Kraft cheese slices

Butter

A flat cooking surface, preferably a grill or electric skillet on medium high

Combine the diced and shredded lettuce, pickles, and onions on a plate or in a bowl and set aside.

In a small bowl mix 2 parts mayonnaise to 1 part mustard,  a pinch of pepper, and a tiny bit of pickle juice, mix well, and set aside.

Make hamburger patties about the same thickness (thin) as a regular McDonald’s hamburger patty, wider than the bun, (they’ll shrink when cooked) a fat burger on a giant bun might look good, but trust me, you’re getting less flavour and more bulk for your buck.

Cook between 2 and 4 minutes a side depending on how you like your meat. You want these cooked medium to retain flavour. Salt and pepper to taste.

After you have flipped the burger, put a very light schmear of butter on the bun halves and throw them on the grill, then add the cheese slice on top of the patty for the last 45 seconds or so the burger cooks

Remove the bottom of the bun from the grill and spread a liberal amount of the mayonnaise/mustard sauce over it. Add the burger and top with the diced onions, lettuce and pickles. Apply a liberal amount of the sauce to the top half of the bun and place it on the burger, cheese, lettuce, pickles, and onions. If you do this right, it should be a little messy.

Eat.

You can add tomato or anything else you want, of course, but then it is no longer a Wilson Cheeseburger. You can lose the cheese if you’re lactose intolerant or simply prefer your burgers au natural.

Wilson’s Fried Ham Sandwich…

Like the burger, this is ridiculously simple, but sooo tasty.

The freshest sliced white bread you can find.

Two or three fairly thin slices of Virginia ham

Mayonaise

Thinly sliced dill pickle

Shredded lettuce

Butter

Brush a small amount of butter on the grill.

Place the ham slices on the butter on the grill.

Flip the ham when the top starts to bubble or the ham starts to sizzle.

Spread liberal amounts of mayonnaise on both slices of bread.

Place the ham, pickles and lettuce between the slices and cut diagonally

Eat.

If you want the true Steve Martin’s The Jerk experience, add a Tab and a Twinkie on the side.

I know this might sound stupid, but the little nuances in thes e pathetically simple snacks really make a difference. There is magic in simplicity when the ingredients are good and something as simple as a hamburger or a ham sandwich can become a guilty pleasure and unbeatable comfort food. Cheap, too…

Unfortunately, I never got the recipe for the potato salad, and you know how to make an ice cream soda or float…just use really good ice cream and the ice cold soda of your choice. Just remember to pour the soda down the side of the glass instead of directly onto the ice cream, otherwise, you’ll be waiting for the fizz to settle down until you have to go to bed.

In all fairness, I must admit that when McDonald’s first appeared when I was in high school, their hamburgers were really good. So were their fries and milkshakes. Over the years they have changed so much from back then, the food that made them famous doesn’t even resemble what they sell now. Their 15 cent hamburger had a ton of diced onions and the usual mustard/ketchup/pickle combination, and I could swear the meat was light years better than what they serve now. Regardless, they are more popular than they ever were, even though the quality and taste of their food is a shadow of what it once was. Not unusual in this day and age, no matter where you look.

Ch-ch-ch-changes…

American car manufacturers, once the envy of other country’s automotive industries, are struggling to earn back the trust and respect they have lost over the years.

Sony, once the pinnacle of electronics, has fallen to the wayside, overshadowed by companies once regarded as jokes.

Hyundai and Kia are well respected and successful. Even BMW, Mercedes, and Porche have suffered due to high prices and less than expected quality.

Samsung and LG are at the top of their game.

Apple…well, Apple is unbelievably loved and trusted, if Steve Jobs had more charisma, Apple wouldn’t be a company…they’d be a cult.

It seems that a lot of companies people laughed at 10 years ago have proven to have been more astute at figuring out what people want, and then worked hard to give them quality at a reasonable price and the features they desire.

Sounds simple, just like that ham sandwich.

What the hell is happening with newspapers, radio, records, television, and movies?

What the hell, indeed…

Newspapers and Magazines…

I used to read a least 2 or 3 papers a day.

In California, depending on where I lived, it was the Stockton Record, San Francisco Chronicle (in the evening), San Francisco Examiner (in the morning), the Sunday New York Times ( a day or two late) the L.A Times, and when I could get it, the Seattle Post Intelligencer, a stupid name, but a wickedly smart newspaper.

In Montreal it was the Gazette and the Montreal Star, in New York it was the Times, the Post, and the Daily News (“Three Nuns Gunned Down In Midtown Slaughter”).

In Toronto it was the Star, the Sun, and the Globe and Mail.

Remember the old joke? The Globe and Mail is read by the people who run the country, The Star is read by the people who want to run the country, and The Sun is read by the people who don’t care who runs the country as long as she has big tits and a great stereo. Never did get into the National Post…it came too late.

Magazine wise, it was Rolling Stone, Creem, Hit Parader, Circus, Time, Playboy, Penthouse, Games, National Lampoon, Mad, Spy, and earlier, Life, Post, and Collier’s.

I no longer read any newspapers or magazines, except for Vanity Fair, and then only the Hollywood and Music issues.

All the rest are either irrelevant…or gone.

Newspaper’s contents are old news before the ink is dry and they hit the stands, and magazines have become mostly picture books full of fluff and gossip, dumbed down for a large segment of the public who are more interested in who’s banging who, what someone is driving, or how much bling so and so has in her walk in closet, than politics, war, or strife, and they are catered to by publishers whose main concern is the bottom line and little else. The so called ‘serious press’ are too cautious to be first with a story, and hamstrung by their owners and investors political loyalties and investments. What were once respected institutions are now derided, ignored, and floundering on the ropes, replaced by independent thinkers with the same thirst the papers used to have for news, but more savvy in gathering information through social networking, willing to take chances on a breaking story, and assisted by everyone that knows how to use a cell phone, email, Facebook, or Twitter. Sure, we get a lot of useless, celebrity driven drivel in the mix, but we also get hard news and breaking stories a lot quicker. More information came from the streets during Katrina and its aftermath via the Internet, than any newspaper could muster using their limited budgets, diminished work force, and refusal to embrace their readers input. More and more of them will disappear this decade, and be replaced by news sources and journalists that work in an entirely different, and independent fashion. Most people don’t want to read press releases and spin doctored statements from politicians and press officers…they want the truth and what’s happening now, and if they can’t get it from the horses mouth, they’ll get it from someone who is there, and not afraid to text or tweet, or make a mistake. The new breed know how to apologize and take responsibility if they get it wrong, instead of clinging to policy, and making fools of themselves.

Music Radio…

In Canada, radio is still fairly healthy and making money. The same cannot be said of the broadcast industry in the United States.

They are knee deep in doo-doo and sinking faster than the Leafs chances of winning a cup of anything, let alone Stanley’s.

How could this possibly happen?

A combination of things…

Rapid and unworkable, unsustainable, consolidation. Cookie cutter formats and playlists. Loyal listeners replaced by casual hit seekers. Broadcasting professionals replaced by bankers, brokers, and serial CEO’s from unrelated businesses. Marginalized on-air personalities, slashed sales departments and, most importantly, decisions made by short sighted, non intuitive owners and managers whose expertise in, and knowledge of the radio industry and music usually pales when compared to the people they have fired.

Bankruptcies are becoming foregone conclusions for the biggest players south of the border. The very people whose lousy decisions have created the current crises are making deals that guarantee that they get to keep their jobs(!!!) The end result is that listeners are heading elsewhere to get their fix and appease their appetite for great music and real personalities. Mr. Flash Suit is tossing the baby with the bath water and getting paid to bankrupt an industry.

The only good thing to come out of this debacle are some forward thinking broadcasters, (especially here in Canada), who are rethinking some of their stations and formats and taking some small, but brave steps towards the future (not without risk) including the re-hiring of tried and true broadcast veterans, testing out deeper playlists, and easing away from the cookie cutter, limited genre, pack. Good luck to them. I firmly believe some will find new solutions that will prove not only successful, but assure their longevity whether over the air or on the net, or both.

Next Friday, Records, Television, and Movies…

A&R Online Volume 42

You can hear this show by going  to http://www.radiothatdoesntsuck.com/myWimpy.html Scroll down and click on ‘A&R Online Volume 42’

Like a Storm – Chemical Infatuation: Well this is a mash-up of a whole pile of interesting influences. There’s some modern rock here, a big drum sound right out of the ‘80’s, some Zeppelinesque histrionics, and, most interestingly, a big dollop of late sixties British psychedelia, air-lifted into the middle and making this track larger than its components. For a rock tune, this puppy has more than one tail wagging and is melodic as hell, and that is definitely refreshing. Different…and I like different. I can’t think of one band these guys sound like, and that’s as big a compliment I can give to rock records these days. I can hear the influences, but Like a Storm makes them their own.

Hey Romeo – Searchin’ For You: Slicker than a big city car salesman, this track somehow manages to retain a ‘gee-whiz’ freshness and has the exuberance of a television sitcom theme song. The jangling mix of guitars and pedal steel alone hooked me from the get go. Pop and country continue to collide, and that’s just fine by me…

Melody Macdougall – Wanting More: I couldn’t resist putting this track up this week. If I could call it anything, I would dub it Bubblegum Reggae. Everybody on the track sounds like they are deliriously happy to have stumbled across a groove to use under their music that sounds new and exciting to them. The truth is probably more like these are seasoned players that can still infuse a pop song with enthusiasm and energy. The mystery here is the utilization of the first six notes of the verses of the Police hit, “Walking On the Moon”. Was it intentional, an homage, or did cynicism drive the purveyors of this track to think that no one would notice except the few old farts that listen to radio and know how to get online? Either way, I don’t mind it. It plays right to the feeling I get when I hear this song, that the folks involved are fresh faced, apple cheeked music fans who got together and made a record in mom’s kitchen…and the horn soloist is just too fuckin’ cool.

Valerie Shearman – Do It All Over Again: Val’s Christmas release was really impressive and earned her a berth here in the Holiday edition of A&R Online. This track surpasses that one. Val has worked her ass off as long as I’ve known her, and she finally seems to have found her turf. If Anne Murray or Jann Arden had recorded this, it would already be top 5, and in a perfect world, Val’s take on this well written song will do as well. Mature pop with a wisp of country seasoning. A great track, and I am looking forward to everything that Val does from now on. Congratulations, Sweetie. Buzz would be very proud of you.

Michael Bolton – Murder My Heart: Okay…stop laughing and hear me out. I’ll give you a minute. Okay? Okay. Except for women that never got over their Unicorn, rainbow, and Prince Charming on a white horse daydreams, and delusional men who think Kenny G is an artist, Michael Bolton has been the butt of some pretty harsh jokes over the years. Sure, he had a wack of hits, but Captain and Teneille had a few too. In fact, if I had to be trapped in a room with either Bolton, John Tesh, Kenny G, Carrot Top, or, just for fun, Lady Ga Ga, I’d pick Bolton in a heartbeat. Why? Motherfucker can sing, Dawg! The only problem for me was his habit of wrestling the songs to the ground, screaming “I love you” at the top of his lungs didn’t exactly endear himself to me and millions of others, which forced him to high tail it to Europe for a while and sing Opera. Opera? Would Don Henley do that?

Anyway, it must have done him some good, because this is a great song, a terrific performance, and the first time I can listen to him without putting toilet paper in my ears to tone him down a bit. The worst thing I can say is that he reminds me a bit of a testosterone fueled Mariah Carey, and the best thing I can say is he does it better than she does. This is a worthy track, so suck it up and have a listen. Michael McDonald could use a song this good about now.

Neil Peart – The Hockey Song: I would be a lousy friend if I didn’t let you hear this track. Commissioned to rethink the age old Hockey theme, Neil stepped up and delivered this joyous version to the hockey loving throngs that still believe the Stanley Cup is slightly more important than the Holy Grail, or getting Megan Fox’s phone number. In Neil’s own words, this is “drums and horns”. In my opinion, it could be the new theme for a reboot of Hawaii 5-0. Either way, it RAWKS! Neil also says there is new music being written and sessions planned for new Rush material, but it will be delivered as it’s recorded, no more albums, just music when it becomes available. Rush understand the new paradigm, and are embracing the challenge. Geddy is ramping up, Alex has signed on to co-star in the new television project the actors from Trailer Park Boys are working on, and Neil, bless his heart, and given us another reason to tune in and watch the Leafs drop another one. GO LEAFS!…and thanks Neil…this is cooool.

Win of the Week

While it drags on and gets nastier, the late night television soap opera created by plain old corpoarate stupidity, the intertoobz once again find a diamond in the muck. This is funny…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOQvsuJ5wIA&feature=player_embedded#

Fail of the Week

NBC…again. More about them in next week’s Weekend Roundup

Parting Shot

I never thought I’d say this, but American Idol has found someone that I actually find entertaining. He’s already a smash on the net, and proves once again that the public will embrace what it wants to embrace, talent, taste, and hard work be damned. Truth be told, I like this guy way more than anyone that has ever made the finals on American Idol because he’s real, he’s happy, and he doesn’t give a shit about what people think. Go get ‘em, General…

The Pants On the Ground Phenom:

The Fan Cover Version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHp1zkB129k&feature=youtu.be

The Remix

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkeAzqhlkNk

The Original:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcBMB63iG-I

Have a great weekend, see you on Monday…

That’s enough for now. Email me at segarini@fyimusic.ca with your comments, complaints, and thoughts…and remember…don’t believe a word I say.

Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, The Segarini Band, and Cats and Dogs, and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now provides content for radiothatdoesntsuck.com with RadioZombie, The Iceage, and PsychShack. Along with the love of his life, Jade (Pie) Dunlop, (who hosts and writes “I’ve Heard That Song Before” on RTDS), continues to write, make music, and record.