Don’t Believe A Word I Say with Bob Segarini: The Monday Morning Mailbag

The Monday Morning Mailbag for January 25th 2010

In my continuing effort to educate as well as entertain you, the bestest readers in the whole world plus infinity times a gazillion, I would like to share with you some immutable truths I have discovered through tireless investigation and the relentless pursuit of truth, justice, and a decent enchilada. Ladies and Gentleman, may I present:

Bob’s Top Ten True Facts That Have No Scientific Basis Whatsoever Yet Are As Real And Annoying As Andy Dick

 

Number 10. Your favourite television show will be cancelled and replaced with something starring Howie Mandel.

Number 09. The people ahead of you in McDonald’s will not only NOT know what they want, they will pay with a debit card they won’t even start looking for until the cashier tells them how much they owe.

Number 08. The streetcar you are waiting for won’t materialize until at least two go by in the opposite direction.

Number 07. Your girlfriend or boyfriend will leave you for the one friend of yours they told you they couldn’t stand.

Number 06. The Lottery numbers you have been playing for 15 years will finally come up the first time you don’t play them.

Number 05. Even though they have no way of knowing, cats will shit in one of your favourite shoes if you do something to piss them off.

Number 04. Someone will call you during the last few minutes of a murder mystery and make you miss whodunit.

Number 03. You will discover that the milk you are pouring over the last of the Cheerios has gone over, has lumps in it, and smells like ass.

Number 02. The air conditioner in your car will work great until the first day of a heat wave, when it will spew smoke and need a part that must be ordered from South Korea.

Number 01. The Government will send a letter to you at your current address demanding that you update your address or risk not receiving your tax refund.

And now…the mail:

In response to last Monday’s Mailbag…

Toni: Loved your notes on the “Food Police”… When I found out that people were upset w/ McDonald’s for making their kids fat, I said what the F–K make them stay home and eat veggies!!!

SEG SAYS: It seems like the Government is creeping further and further into our bedrooms, our businesses, and now, our kitchens, all at the behest of those who cannot make the right choices themselves and insist on the Government making them for them…and the rest of us in the process. It smacks of ‘Big Brother-ism’, and is intrusive to a fault. It’s the ‘think of the children’ busy bodies and guilt-ridden hypocrites that threaten politicians into putting rules and regulations in place that cost jobs, money, and freedom. Why they listen to people that want the world to reflect some fantasy they have of Utopia is beyond me. If the majority of us had wanted this kind of control over our lives exercised by our leaders, wouldn’t Communism have done much better here than it did?

Mark Vukovich: Bob…Sure Oak Park is where my brother threw me into the pool…sink or swim he said…and so I learned how to swim. “Pants on the ground…hat turned sideways lookin’ like a fool.” Reminds me of a time in Vegas when my buddy Tom Jorgensen and I were walkin’ down the strip and came up a youngster like that.. Tom says “Dude…what the hell. You have the shortest legs I’ve seen on a human being…where you from son..?” Now that was funny. Al the Wops on me Bud…no problems.

SEG SAYS: Never understood the fashion trend that made people look like they were wearing a much larger person’s clothes. Shirts and sweaters that hung to your knees, baseball caps whose brims kept the sun off your back instead of your eyes or turned sideways in some weird homage to the Little Rascals, pants that were so voluminous that the crotch was level to your knees with legs so wide you could smuggle a couple of Munchkins out of Oz without being caught…I mean the stuff we wore during the ‘60’s was just as goofy, but every generation manages to look like idiots to the adults of the day. Only the Beatniks and the subtler Punks got it right…basic black will ALWAYS be a good call. And just so you know, offering to pick up my bar bill anywhere may be more than you think. Bring back-up.

Pete Kashur: “It’s people like him that baby sit guys like me”…so not only is Daved the stage manager for some great bands, he’s also a geriatric nurse!?! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist)

SEG SAYS: From David Hanley, to John Frankenheimer, to Tim Sadler, to Ron Comancho, to Clay Harding and all the other road managers I ever locked horns with, ‘geriatric’ has nothing to do with wrangling rock bands. It’s more like trying to keep a bunch of 5 year olds with money and a sex drive from missing a flight or a gig. Just to see how tough it was, I once road managed a 3 week tour through Quebec for a well known performer…I had to deal with 2 arrests, 1 firing, 3 MIA’s, spend  several evenings as a psychologist, and 1 suicide attempt. One of the best was Clay Harding. He kept me relatively safe and out of trouble…so much so that I fired him at least once a week for a year.

Jim Chisholm: I love those early Beatle songs too, Bob. My daughter is starting to take bass lessons since she bailed on the guitar. She knows those songs cause I used to make her watch Beatles cartoons in the morning until I felt like getting up out of bed…lol…and she’s seen the movie Across The Universe. So we should start up on a couple of the ones you mentioned. Also I really, really like Yes It Is and Not A Second Time. The latter is a bit under the radar for a Fabs song. And Please, Please Me is nuts. I’ll try to keep the video rolling.

SEG SAYS: The early Beatle tracks are a great way to get kids interested in music. Far better than Barney or those horrible Mini-Pop Kids CD’s. I think kids raised on that stuff grow up to be chorus line hoofers and sports mascots.

 

Myk Gordon: Pop quiz = hilarious

SEG SAYS: Your comment = Appreciated

In Response to last week’s Rock Files…

Warren Cosford: You write about the importance of Network TV in the early part of Elvis’s career, but perhaps his first TV appearance on a “local” station was The Most Important…….

In 1975 CHUM produced The Elvis Presley Story…..a 12 hour documentary that was syndicated throughout the world. Among the people we tried to find for an interview was Mae Boren Axton, the co-writer of Heartbreak Hotel. I tracked her down to Broken Bow Oklahoma, but in the days before answering machines…..there was no answer. On the morning of the day that co-producer Bob McMillan and I were flying to Memphis to begin interviews, by chance Mae Axton arrived at CHUM to promote her son Hoyt’s TV Special. It was, to say the least…… Serendipitous. She later sent us an audio recording of That’s Alright Mama from what had been Elvis Presley’s first TV appearance on a show Mae hosted. Much of what she told us is in this excellent article. http://www.rockabilly.nl/references/messages/mae_boren_axton.htm

SEG SAYS: Thanks for the info, Warren. There were a lot of Elvis performances on a local radio show called ‘Louisiana Hayride’ prior to his national exposure on TV, and rumor has it there is footage of a live, LOCAL television performance, but I have not been able to track it down. Here’s one of the songs he did on the Dorsey’s ;Stage Show’ program, and the rest of the performances are available in the right hand menu next to the video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOC2ew-9i_c

Keith (Keef) Fraser: Well Son O’ Bitch, Sir Robert, I must say I’ve never heard of Tommy Sands till now. From the You Tube videos the man had the moves, the looks and the talent. Tried reaching him on the net but there’s not much about him. Things seem to end when he divorced Nancy Sinatra. I guess Frank, (he doesn’t mind me calling him Frank), wasn’t happy with the marriage break down and saw to it that his musical career was in the toilet. Too bad, I think he could have done a lot more in the 60’s. Keef (Now my friends all hate me because I’ve been keeping my enemies closer.)

SEG SAYS: Sands became a fairly busy actor after ‘The Singing Idol’. I don’t think he was interested in being a Teen Idol and preferred acting. Hell, if you’re tapping Nancy Sinatra in her prime, just why would you want to be chased down the street by a bunch of 13 year old girls? If you think about it, being lusted after by underage girls would be like being a diabetic in a candy store…bad for your health if you helped yourself to what was available.

Michele Hartley: The articles are always great but the pictures are worth a million! Thanks Bob!

SEG SAYS: Writing these blogs is hard, but enjoyable work. Finding pictures that fit or add to the words is like a treasure hunt and, though time consuming, a lot of fun. Nice to see the choices appreciated.

Toni: What a musical education! Thanks Again. Are you going to get into Hitsville? I’m a Motown fan big time. Toni Reno, NV

SEG SAYS: Motown and Stax’s stories and their influence on rock and radio will be addressed in a future column, Toni. Wait until you hear THAT A&R Online…

In response to last week’s Weekend Roundup…

Jim Chisholm: Bob. You are so on point about the tragic state of modern media content. Yesterday I was out to get some ink for my printer and was reminded of the recent failure and closing (Xmas Eve) of the local branch of CD Plus. In a mall that was full of empty shops a couple of years ago, now that CD store space appears to be the only empty one. Thank God that 24 is back in business. I am catching up on the first 4 episodes of Season 8 and it is so gripping compared to nearly everything else on TV. Keep up the good work.

SEG SAUS: We are witnessing the complete reinvention of media and its distribution. Had the powers that be embraced change instead of fighting it, it would have already occurred. As it is, most of the old guard will have to step aside, rethink their expectations, or simply be replaced before the changes can take place. There are some great people and ideas on both sides, but some of my generation, who built their empires by introducing new ideas and change into the existing business, are the same people fighting the very thing they believed in, and dragging their feet and doing everything they can to stave off the future for as long as they can. Also, the new season of 24 looks to be the best yet. The first 4 hours were amazing.

Ron Gwynne: Hello Bob, You mentioned:  The Brill Building.
When I was working in NYC on the Blues Brothers Movie story we had our own blues bar where we entertained our friends and musicians.
It was during this time that we met Doc Pomus…he would occasionally hang out at our bar with us after some SNL shows.
One time he called the bar and mentioned that he couldn’t get out of his hotel because his Electric scooter battery had gone dead and that his charger wasn’t working.
I volunteered to go over and give him a boost off my bike if he could get to the lobby. He was thrilled when I showed up outside the lobby of the building on my bike, gave him a boost off my battery, and got the scooter started (the onboard generator was then able to charge the cell)
He was so thankful and it was quite a moment for me to be able to help the writer who had given me so much joy through his music. I used to sing Suspicion with new life!
I was thankful that I could give back something to Doc.
I enjoy reading your Don’t Believe stories. It’s amazing where music takes people.
Thanks for the thoughts

SEG SAYS: What a great story! Thanks for sharing it with all of us. Again, this is what I love most about writing these blogs…the stories that our readers share. Stay in touch, Ron…

Frank Gutch Jr: Listening to Ali Milner and digging the hell out of it.  I can see what you wrote in my head.  She must be one mellow cookie.  Thanks for turning me onto her.  I think she has a good chance of gaining a huge audience over time.  You can’t keep talent like that down.
No weekend roundup?  What?  Jade didn’t feed you?
Keep the faith

SEG SAYS: True dat. Anyone who has heard young Ms. Milner expects to see her do very well in the years to come. She will be thrilled to hear she has another fan.

Brian Greenway: To whom it may concern,
I have never believed anything you have ever said, so why should I entertain the possibility I should now do so. However, as my senior years begin to have their effect on my mental judgment, I must ask myself, ah damn I forgot what I wanted to say.
In the unlikely event that I do remember, I will once again fix the coke bottle size eyewear on my constantly drooping face and peck out a electronic letter to you thanking you for the well written and nostalgic article Bob.
Well done!

SEG SAYS: Brian, you are one of the best rock guitar players to ever come out of Canada and tour constantly with April Wine. When do you have time to read? Seriously, it’s always great to hear from you. Give my best to Myles and the other Winers and let me know when you’re going to be back in Toronto…and don’t worry about your mental faculties, not until you’re my age, anyway.

Michele Hartley: Had this little vision while reading of you owning and running a record shop, playing music in it as you’d like to see played on a radio show…was a good vision. enjoyed the read as always and the pictures too : ) Thanks.

SEG SAYS: I’d be terrible at it. Like the Jack Black character in ‘High Fidelity’, I’d be tossing people out the door if they asked for certain artists I find less than ‘deserving’, or didn’t like the in-store selections…but thanks for having a vision in which I am gainfully employed. That would be nice.

Keith (Keef) Fraser: Poor service is everywhere and not to single out just Best Buy and The Future Shop, but I had a little experience with both of them before Christmas.

We wanted to buy our son a 32 inch thin flat screen TV. I bounced around the internet to get a better understanding of what I might want before I set out. My first stop was The Future Shop. It was a Thursday morning and the store wasn’t busy. It still took awhile to flag down someone to help me. I explain my intentions and even took him to the set I wanted to purchase. I asked him to please tell me something about the features. His response was; “yup it’s a good set”. I knew that was the TV I wanted so I didn’t want to waste anymore of his nap time so I told him I’ll take it. He then told me they’re out of stock till Monday and said see then then and walked away.

I have done sales in the past and if a customer came to me and told me, I’m hear to buy TODAY, and didn’t have the product in stock I would have tried to do something to up sell or discount another product to make the sale. But not there.

Next stop Best Buy. Same piss poor service as The Future Shop but his time they had the TV I wanted. After making my purchase, and a 4 year warranty, the clerk (I can’t bring myself to call him a salesmen) smiled and said; “be sure and show them the receipt when you leave the store.” When who takes what to where and show whom at the front door? I just spent a grand and I have to take this big thing to my car?

Maybe I’m just a throw back to the Jurassic, Mesozoic or Segarini ages but it just didn’t seem too customer friendly a shopping trip.

Keef (I’m over that now but I can’t believe Brad and Angelina are splitting up. They always seemed so happy in their press releases. My main concern is that Brad will not find someone whose name is compatible with “Brad”.)

SEG SAYS: These ‘salesmen’ get the jobs because they’re cheap and will work without benefits. Nobody seems to care that they drive away customers. I use Tiger Direct for all my electronics and computer related purchases and the Intertoobz for everything else. If I had a Replicator, I wouldn’t go to the grocery store or bars either. If you haven’t used Tiger Direct, I highly recommend them. http://www.tigerdirect.ca/ Great prices, selection, and quick delivery.

As far as the Segarini Age, you are lucky to be a part of it. As far as Brad goes, he’ll land on his feet. I’m hoping he goes back to Jennifer Aniston and they live happily ever after in a custom built Double Wide, and a grieving Angelina doubles her collagen intake until she becomes the new Rolling Stones logo. The biggest question is how they’re going to divide the 73 children they bought over the last few years. Maybe they’ll put them up on eBay…

 

Wednesday: The Rock Files continues…

Thanks to all of you who wrote and shared your stories with us. That’s why we’re here. See you all on Wednesday…

That’s enough for now. Email me at segarini@fyimusic.ca with your comments, complaints, and thoughts, and remember…don’t believe a word I say.

Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, The Segarini Band, and Cats And Dogs, and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now provides content for radiothatdoesntsuck.com with RadioZombie, The Iceage, and PsychShack. Along with the love of his life, Jade (Pie) Dunlop, (who hosts and writes “I’ve Heard That Song Before” on RTDS), continues to write, make music, and record.